It’s not the things I’ve gone and done I’ll regret or be ashamed,
But the things I did not say or do, because I was afraid.
Carrie Newcomer, folk singer
Unfinished business is anything in a relationship that is not resolved. It can be as simple as hearing that a friend is interested in a hobby that interests us and resolving to talk with them about it when the opportunity occurs. Or it can be as complex the apology that you intended to make that never happened and now is no longer possible for some reason.
I do not remember how I was first introduced to the concept of “unfinished business.” I am grateful for the insight into relationships that the concept has provided through the years. Most of us have quite a lot of unfinished business in our lives. In fact, it is really a normal part of life because we are limited in the amount of time available to us. The only way to avoid it is not to care about anything. I am not willing to pay that price.
Unfinished business becomes a problem when we deny it or fear it or allow it to stress us. The resulting regrets or guilt can leave us stuck and unable to move on. Much unfinished business could be resolved if we gave ourselves permission to say to others, “I have some unfinished business with you.” And then share the common interests or concerns. Our lives would be richer. We’d know more about one another. And celebrate our common interests.
It is more difficult to resolve unfinished business, when the other person is no longer available for us to talk it through with them. There are many reasons why the other may not be available, such unfinished business can be resolved, if we are open to releasing it. Some people are blessed to be able to release this type of unfinished business through prayer and meditation.
Most of us need a trusted friend who can help us talk it through until we find closure.
What unfinished business in your life holds you back from being the person God calls you to be? Are you talking to the people who can help you complete it? Are you praying for God’s guidance in finding closure?
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Regarding Hospitality
The visitor to the monastery commented on the hospitality received during a week-long stay, “I am so impressed with your hospitality. I could not have been treated more graciously, if I had been Jesus himself.”
“I am delighted that you noticed,” replied the monk, “for you see it is our desire to treat each guest as if that person were, in fact, our Lord. We realize that it is possible that any stranger at our door may really be Jesus. To some extent, Christ is present in every guest.”
The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' (Matt 25: 40)
Living into the faith and hospitality of that monastery is never easy. It takes courage to overcome our fear and become hospitable to the stranger at our gate, who might just do us harm, instead of good. Does hospitality demand that we take just any foolish risk that comes along? Probably not! However, many of us hold back in fear of things that do not matter in the long run, when we could reach out a helping hand.
Hospitality requires trust. You and I are not strangers to trust. Our entire civilization is built on trust. Who of us worries that every building in which we live and work is going to collapse? Instead, we trust that the architects and builders have done their jobs properly. We trust the food we eat will be wholesome and nutritious. Could we ever travel by car, if we didn’t trust other drivers to stay on their side of the road?
In his book, Reaching Out, Henri Nouwen describes the journey from hostility to hospitality as one of the three movements of the spiritual life. Hostility is born of fear. Hospitality grows as we learn to trust ourselves and to trust God’s presence.
Learning to entertain the presence of the holy in our lives, challenges us to move beyond our fears and to be open to the possibility of God’s presence in the stranger at the gate. Who knows when that person might be Jesus?
“I am delighted that you noticed,” replied the monk, “for you see it is our desire to treat each guest as if that person were, in fact, our Lord. We realize that it is possible that any stranger at our door may really be Jesus. To some extent, Christ is present in every guest.”
The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' (Matt 25: 40)
Living into the faith and hospitality of that monastery is never easy. It takes courage to overcome our fear and become hospitable to the stranger at our gate, who might just do us harm, instead of good. Does hospitality demand that we take just any foolish risk that comes along? Probably not! However, many of us hold back in fear of things that do not matter in the long run, when we could reach out a helping hand.
Hospitality requires trust. You and I are not strangers to trust. Our entire civilization is built on trust. Who of us worries that every building in which we live and work is going to collapse? Instead, we trust that the architects and builders have done their jobs properly. We trust the food we eat will be wholesome and nutritious. Could we ever travel by car, if we didn’t trust other drivers to stay on their side of the road?
In his book, Reaching Out, Henri Nouwen describes the journey from hostility to hospitality as one of the three movements of the spiritual life. Hostility is born of fear. Hospitality grows as we learn to trust ourselves and to trust God’s presence.
Learning to entertain the presence of the holy in our lives, challenges us to move beyond our fears and to be open to the possibility of God’s presence in the stranger at the gate. Who knows when that person might be Jesus?
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